An Improbable Dream

Posting political predictions is easy. So after posting mine, I decided to do something much more difficult. I have taken up another almost impossible challenge. Foolhardy as it may be, I shall run where the brave have not gone. Yes, I have dared to make forecasts about the most elusive of creatures, my fellow bloggers. Some predictions are serious. Some are not. Figuring out which are which is part of the fun.

The King of Fools will consider quitting his day job to become a full-time web designer in response to high demand for his services.

Over fifty bloggers will sign up to be Blogger Secret Santas in 2004. Justene Adamec will still be one of the coleaders, but will then find someone else to take her place in 2005.

Steven Den Beste will have another concise post (OK, this prediction is really a stretch, but it is theoretically possible).

On April 1, 2004 a host of bloggers will take up Owen's Open Offer.

Boots and Sabers will publish them all.

In a remarkably effective partnership, Kevin Whited and Greyhawk organize military voters, taking advantage of the fact that soldiers can change their state of residence while serving overseas. Several hundred thousand soldiers choose to "move" to South Dakota. After the absentee ballots are counted, Obstructionist Daschle receives tens of thousands of votes from an obscure Indian reservation, while John Thune receives hundreds of thousands of legitimate military votes and thus wins in a surprising landslide.

Zombyboy will receive many emails that start with Look, you psychotic blogger

Chris Muir will find a way to work Admiral Quixote's Roundtable into his awesome cartoon. Shortly thereafter, he will be picked up for syndication. Some will call this a coincidence, but enlightened readers will know better.

PETA will seek a legal injunction forbidding Robert Prather from harming the dog pictured on his website.

Former blogger Fersboo will return to blogging at a group blog. Bonus points to anyone who can identify the names of Fersboo's previous two blogs.

Steven Taylor will become more popular than Glenn Reynolds for the month of October, 2004. For similar reasons, the Command Post will temporarily become more popular than the web-sites of the mainstream media.

Scott Ott will publish a serious (non-satirical) piece summarizing the various positions of the Democratic candidates for president as well as President Bush's positions on steel tariffs, new entitlements, and immigration policy. No one will realize Scott was serious.

The death of Castro hits the Commissar hard, but he vows to expose even more imperialist lackeys, capitalist reactionaries, and Zionist running dogs than ever before. In a nod to the new world order, he adds La Mancha to his map of blogosphere states.

Sharper than a Serpent's Tooth, which will include a blog about cinematic swordplay and reviews of other movies, will officially open.

The DNC sends hackers and PETA after Tasty Manatees due to Ryan's bringing Gephardt and Clark's unethical activities to light.

Tim Blair flees to America for asylum after dispatching two large burglars who broke into his house. The Australian authorities are outraged that Blair defended himself with a firearm despite many laws against this type of self-defense. Over the objections of the State Department, President Bush grants Blair asylum.

Dean and Rosemary decide they have too much free time, and adopt teenage triplets who do not speak English. At the same time, Arnold Harris, Mark Noonan, and Allison get together and start a group blog resulting in a dramatic decrease in the word count in the Dean's World comments. The number of comments are further diminished when Tim The Soldier is hospitalized by crazed PETA members, angered by his inhumane treatment of eels and armadillos.

Christopher Genovese quits his job, moves to Rolla, Missouri, and starts a children's science museum with the help of an anonymous partner. It becomes very successful.

Val Prieto steps off the plane onto free Cuban soil thirty days after Castro's death.

Homosexual Libertarians attempt to hunt down the Calico Cat. In a freak coincidence, another mob of angry investment fund managers also attempt to hunt him down at the same time. Both angry groups get in an argument over who gets to attack the Cat first and end up attacking each other in front of the Calico Cat's residence. Police arrest all of them and the Cat escapes harm.

Ara Rubyan, scared by the vision of President Howard Dean, begins campaigning for a Republican for the first time in his life. The sudden change concerns his family, who has him committed for observation.

On May 21, no one visits Exoteric's site as regular readers finally obey Exoteric.

Dowingba leaves Canada after receiving hate mail from the Liberal Coalition. After they track him down, Dowingba decides that is the last straw on top of all the cold weather. He accepts a job in the Deep South, thereby finding both good weather and friendly conservatives.

Xrlq manages to become a contestant on the Wheel Of Fortune Blogger Special Episode, but loses because he refuses to buy vowels.

Paul Burgess shaves unexpectedly after an ugly incident in which his beard tangles in his slide-rule. However, a clean-shaven Burgess then meets the woman of his dreams who collect antique calculators.

Ith starts a PAC: Californian Cat-Lovers for Bush. The Democrats still carry California, but the race is much closer than expected and the new PAC provides the extra votes to elect a Republican congressman to represent Monterey.

Kevin and the Pundit Filter crew become enormously successful and each blogger receives offers to become syndicated columnists. The fifth blogger, who signed up to be part of the crew but then got sidetracked by real life, becomes the answer to a question in the Blogger version of Trivial Pursuits.

Despite being sober, Bryan is arrested for BUI: Blogging under the influence.

Chief Wiggles is called in as a witness in the Ali family's case against the New York Times. The Alis win and the New York Times is forced to run a full page apology in the Iraqi News. Their lawyers decry this act of anti-Americanism without intending nor seeing the irony in their position.

Sarah's readership skyrockets when Google's new AI starts returning her site in response to Robert A Heinlein queries.

A leak from one of President Arroyo's aides reveals that Dean Jorge Bocobo is one of the key minds behind Arroyo's presidency.

Nucleus picks up another user as Kaedrin grows frustrated with MT's limited flexibility.

Doom 3 is released, becomes the hottest selling first-person shooter game in history, and Nepenthe Island is not updated for 60 days.

Tired of being continually critiqued, Kevin Drum hires some liberal students to post intriguing comments at Dead Ends in the hopes of distracting his nemesis. The ploy works until one of the students is converted by the experience, spills the beans, and joins Dead Ends as a co-blogger.

Gary and Alison join forces and form a group blog.

2004 will be the year that John Ray and Erica leave blogspot.

The NRA recruits Colin Glassey to write a guide for why liberals should oppose gun control.

The group blog Blog o'Ram is belatedly recognized by the Watcher of Weasels for their innovative and thought-provoking NoBody Count.

The Weasel Watchers also add an easily accessible search feature to their web-site.

Bill Hobbs accepts a bribe from George Bush.

The Best of Me becomes too much for Jim to handle alone. Thus, Jim puts it on a rotating schedule, but still brings it home several times a year.


LOL! I'm assuming that the deadly slide rule would be a Keuffel & Esser Log Log Duplex Decitrig (model 4081-3), celluloid over mahogany core, circa 1940 vintage.

Posted by: Paul Burgess | 01/08/2004 - 07:23 PM

You are wrong.

I've left specific written instructions with my family to take me out back behind the barn and shoot me.

I'm just saying.

Posted by: Ara Rubyan | 01/09/2004 - 10:59 AM

“On May 21, no one visits Exoteric's site as regular readers finally obey Exoteric,” when I say, “You should be reading Plato.” Then, on May 22, they get even more confused when they discover that Plato's “spokesman” Socrates tells his friends that philosophers shouldn't write, because writing is inferior to speaking!

Posted by: Exoteric | 01/10/2004 - 04:13 PM

It's not that I'd refuse to buy a vowel; it's just that there aren't any left to buy. Clinton deployed them all to Bosnia.

Posted by: Xrlq | 01/10/2004 - 08:45 PM

I'm not sure that the den Beste prediction is even THEORETICALLY possible.

Something about the proof of Poincare'e Theorem.

Posted by: The Commissar | 01/10/2004 - 09:46 PM

Well you shamed me into it.

Look for The Killer Meteors later this week!

Posted by: Khobrah | 01/11/2004 - 06:08 PM

I do read Allison fairly regularly, but I've never thought we were talking even remotely about the same things — but today, I left a comment at Quantum Tea and then copied it and the post and made 'em into a GIF and posted that, and followed a referrer link to here and found your prediction. Why did you make that prediction?

Posted by: Gary Williams | 01/13/2004 - 02:44 AM

All, thanks for the comments and the laughs.

The entire thing was done in fun, but I do believe you and Alison would nicely compliment each other. You have some overlap, but you also write about different things. The overlap would probably interest both sets of readers and the different things would probably attract new readers.

Your combined site would also be updated more frequently. The most difficult part of the prediction would be determining the name of the blog.

Hmmm, the TFS Quantum Tea? Quantum Reluctance?

Posted by: Admiral Quixote | 01/13/2004 - 12:22 PM

I like Quantum Reluctance — I'll talk to Allison about it, if she ever gets the message I sent her...

Posted by: Gary Williams | 01/13/2004 - 03:01 PM

I'm just slow on the reply is all...

I like Quantum Reluctance too, sounds vaguely electrical to me. Maybe we can team up some time, or guest blog for each other.

Posted by: Alison | 01/14/2004 - 01:25 PM
Send this Post
Email this entry to:

Your email address:

Message (optional):